Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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