We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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