I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
