I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
