how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
