i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
