Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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