So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
