You really coming over, don't trick.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
