Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
