We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
