my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
