I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
