I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
