whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
