The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
