I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
