It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
