My room smells like vodka and shame
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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