Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
