I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
