you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
