sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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