my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
