did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
