I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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