Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize