I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
