i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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