I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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