I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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