I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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