That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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