Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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