eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
BRING THE BAGELS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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