Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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