oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you will always have a special place in my vag
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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