2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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