You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love accidental penises.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
