True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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