i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
