there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
