I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
