just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
