That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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