I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
