I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
