I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
