i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
