How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
